1)Why are so many blonde jokes one liners? So blondes can understand them.
2)More later
3)BYE

The top 20 things not to say to a cop when he pulls you over.

20. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.

19. Sorry officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

18. Aren't you the guy from the villiage people?

17. Hey, you must have been doing 125 to keep up with me, good job.

16. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical shape to be a police officer.

15. I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.

14. Bad cop. No donut.

13. You're not going to check the trunk, are you?

12. Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence.

11. Didn't I see you get your butt kicked on cops?

10. Is it true that people become cops because they are too dumb to work at McDonalds?

9. I pay your salary

8. So uh, you on the take or what?

7. Gee officer, that's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning.

6. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.

5. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there is no other cars around, that's how far they are ahead of me.

4. What do you mean have I been drinking? You are the trained specialist.

3. Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off of my lap and got lodged between the brake and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.

2. Hey, is that a 9mm? That's nothing compared to this 44 magnum.

1. Hey, can you give me another one of those full cavity searches?

You forgot "It's ok, I'm from Canada."

Cop jokes are some of the best out there. And you picked out the good ones. Here's couple cop ones:

"Can we hurry it up? Your wifes expecting me."

"Hey, you look like that guy in the picture next to my girlfriends bed."

"You wanna race to the station sparky?"

"I only had one occifer mr. keg."

"You're not going to check the trunk are you?"

Two men argue about where they are on the map . Frustrated, the men pull into a Burger King and ask the cashier, "Where are we?"
The BLONDE cashier responds by saying in the man's ear, "BurrrrrgeeerrrrrrKiiiiing."
I like this one.
-Gardevoir~

I've got one a blonde a red hed and a brunete jump off a bulding which 1 lands last



















The blonde she had to ask for directions (no offense to any blondes)

My friend told me this.
There were three men. A blonde, a brunette and a red head. They stood in front of a magic mirror that said "If you say something true about yourself, I will grant you a wish. If it is false, you get sucked into the mirror."
The red head said I think I'm popular. He got sucked into the mirror.
The brunette said I think I'm good looking. He got sucked into the mirror.
The blonde said "I think" and he got sucked into the mirror.

A helicopter was flying in the skies above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communcations equipment. Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position and course to steer to the airport. Seeing a tall building, the pilot flew towards it, circled, and drew a handwritten sign. He then held it in the helicopter's window. The pilot's sign said "WHERE AM I?" in very large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded by drawing a sign and holding it up behind a window. The sign said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER!". The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, and determined the course to steer to the nearest airport. After landing safely, the co-pilot asked the pilot how the "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER!" sign helped determine their position. The pilot responded by saying that he knew that had to be the Microsoft building, because similar to their help-lines, they gave a technically correct but completely useless answer.

what do you call a no-eyed deer? no idea.

Hahahahahahahah oh shi*t I am still loling from that one. Thank you for making my enitre week.

What do you call a deer with no eyes OR legs?

STILL no idea

There were these three bank robbers. A smart one, a copycat, and a blond. They went to the bank and stole 60,000. Someone had seen them going in and called the cops.

Smart One: Let's go into that tree!
Copycat: Let's go into that tree!
Blond: Okay.

They climbed in to tree, and the cops got to the bank.

They pointed at the tree and yelled, "Come down with your hands up!

Smart One: Tweet Tweet!
Copycat: Tweet Tweet!
Blond: Cluck Cluck Cluck!

A girl with brown hair, one with black hair and a blonde are in the last class of primary school, which one looks the sexiest?



























The blonde, because she's 19.

This one's hilarious:

A blonde called her boyfriend and said, "Please come over
here and help me.
I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get
it started."

Her boyfriend asked, "What is it supposed to be when it's
finished?"The blonde said, "According to the picture on the box,
it's a tiger."

Her boyfriend decided to go over and help with the puzzle.

She let him in and showed him where she had the puzzle spread
all over the table. He studied the pieces for a moment, then
looked at the box, then turned to her and said, "First of all,
no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble
these pieces into anything resembling a tiger."

He took her hand and said, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's
have a nice cup of hot chocolate and then............",
he sighed,.......................


"Let's put all these frosted flakes back in the box."

Carrying on from what Water~Phantom said, i thought of one:

"Whats the problem officer, i must of dozed off..."

I'll think of some more.

A chinese, an indian and a blonde were walking to a cliff. When they are near the cliff, they saw a genie. The genie said, "I will grant a wish for each of you. Just jump of the cliff and say whatever you want, and when you got to the ground, you got what you want."

So the Chinese tried first. He jumped and shouted, "Money!" And he landed on money safely.
Then the Indian tried. He, too, jumped and shouted, "Women!" And when he landed he was greeted by many women.
Last of all, the blonde tried. But she slipped and said, "SH*T!"

No offense, everyone.

Reminded me of this:

For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way computers have enhanced our lives, read on:
At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry. He stated, "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating: If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.
2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.
3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull over to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.
4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads.
6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation" warning light.
7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.
8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.
9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again, because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.
10.You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.

Two Blonde jokes:

Q: What do you do if a Blonde throws a grenade at you?
A: Take the pin out and throw it back.

Two blondes on either side of a river. One asks the other "how'd you get to the other side?" the other blonde replies "You are on the other side."

I'm Jewish so would anyone mind if I made a Jew joke?

No none of us will think it is bad if you do.

Old jewish guy is on his death bed. Weakly, he calls out to his wife. "My wife, my true love, are you here?"
"Yes honey, I am here." She replies.
He then calls out for his son. "My son, my only child, are you here as well?"
The son responds. "Yes father, I'm here too."
Upon hearing this, the old man sits up and yells, "THEN WHO THE HECK IS WATCHING THE STORE?"

1)"My grandfather died in a Jewish concentration camp."
"Aaah, thats sad, I didn't know you were Jewish"
"I'm not, he fell out of a guard tower"
2)BYE

That wasn't funny. At all. I think you shuold learn a bit about the time period you're talking about, get a life, and come back then.

Nazi Germany is definetly not something to make jokes about.

1)Lighten up
2)I was told that by a Jew
3)I know all about the holocaust, all the horrible things that happened, how many millions of people died, but I've found out if you go around all serious, that life will suck, and I know because I've tried it. now before you go saying "I'm not always serious" Im not saying you are, and I'm sure being a Jew yourself might be making this a more tender subject, but just let me finish. I have figured out that being an optimistic pessimist, or maybe a pessimistic optimist, are the best ways to go through life. Therefore, I joke about everything, no exceptions, but I do it at the right time.